No control on the outside, in control on the inside.
Translated with ChatGPTNow, I'm on this journey where I don't always have control over everything that happens. That's actually the idea behind this trip. I'm supposed to learn that things aren't dangerous just because I haven't planned every detail. I'm going to fill my backpack with "Well, that actually went pretty well" experiences, so my brain understands that this is normal. Not that everything goes wrong all the time. This is called exposure therapy, and it's a form of treatment for phobias and anxiety, among other things. It aims to teach the brain to think differently. It does this by creating new pathways in the brain. Because the brain quickly learns that when a certain thing happens, it should react in a specific way. It's based on experiences. But sometimes, some brains work a little differently. Fortunately, these brains can also learn new ways. So now, I'm going to do things my brain thinks are scary but focus on what's not scary about them. This way, my brain hopefully learns that it's not scary, and I become freer to enjoy my life. It creates a new path where the old one went a bit wrong.
So, this kind of exposure therapy should ideally be done without any form of support or "escape routes." But I'm not planning to go that far just yet. Because without Morten, this is utterly impossible to carry out!
What I have figured out after a few days of exposure is:
1. I'm stronger than I think.
2. Things are not as scary as I think.
3. Sometimes, you need support in the form of a hand to hold, noise-canceling earplugs, nature, or a Valium.
I have also realized that when everything outside of me is unpredictable, chaotic, and loud, I can control how I choose to relate to it. I've watched some of Sturla's (a friend) lectures where he talks about how you're doing and how you're taking things. He talks about changes at work, but also in life. I control how I let what's outside affect what's inside me. It's incredible that I've taken so long to understand something that's actually so simple!
Here's an example, folks. On this trip, we've sometimes used valet parking. This means someone else parks the car for us. So, I have to hurry out of the car, grab all my stuff, and get out of the way for the valet. Or do I? One time, I wasn't as prepared because I had helped Morten navigate through traffic. So when we arrived, I hadn't packed my stuff into the backpack yet. I was super stressed, trying to cram things into the bag. Things fell out, something rolled out of the car, not everything fit, and the backpack wouldn't close. I was sweating like crazy. The valet just said, "Take your time. No hurry." My mind was blown. Seriously?! I can just not stress? I turned my head slightly and saw out of the corner of my eye (can't make eye contact) that he took a few steps back. He showed it to me, too. He's there if I need him, but I have both time and space. So simple. So incredibly considerate. And so incredibly respectful. What a human being!
I didn't stress any less at all! I couldn't grasp the situation at the moment, but I understood it when I had calmed down in my room. He just meant to help, but I took it as if he was eager to get the job done and finish it. I interpreted it differently from what he meant. This whole experience finally made it click in my head. I decide how I want to feel and how I want to take things!
I can choose to take a step back and get an overview at any time. If there are people around me who can't handle it, they can go around and pass me. When I've gained an overview, or finished packing the bag, I can continue with what I need to do. If things inside my head feel a bit overwhelming at that moment, I can always stop, take down my thoughts, and sort them. Take your time. No hurry. It's my time! I can take it. I don't always have to hurry. Sometimes, of course, I do, but it's okay to take a little time to get an overview.
So, on this USA trip we're on right now, I'm going to need to take a step back at times. Get an overview and take control of what I can control. I can always control what's inside me. ALWAYS. So if I'm in the middle of the big city of Chicago, I can choose not to take in everything around me all at once. My small-town brain can't handle that. I can focus on one thing at a time. I experience everything but not all at once. I don't have to smell, hear, feel, see, and taste the city all at once. I can take it step by step. Brilliant, right?! Now I just have to crack the code on how to put this theory into practice!! Because I haven't quite figured that out yet 🙈 Tips are welcome 😅
For now, I'm trying to remember that I can take my time if I need to. I still respect other people's time, but I can respect my own too. I can choose to take it one step at a time because I have the time. I have time to calm down inside when things are swirling around me. That's how you get a bit of control over the uncontrollable.
Bit by bit, I'll get there! And so can you, if you want to 🤩