Meltdown number 2
Translated with ChatGPTOn Sunday, September 10th, I had my second real panic attack on this trip, 11 days after we started our journey. The first one happened when we were in Syracuse. I was wandering around, restless and terrified. Everything was scary, and the ground felt like a small boat rocking in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. It was terrible, and I couldn't take control. I needed help. Back then, the help was Valium.
This time, it was also Valium, but much more as well. Because one of the things I feared most about being on a trip away from everything familiar was if something unexpected happened. Illness, for example. And what happened? Illness, of course! A mild cold that just wouldn't go away. I got really sick! My stomach acted up so much that things were coming up and going down. I experienced having a fever for the first time in my life. The kind where you can feel the heat on your forehead. The kind where you shiver and sweat at the same time. The kind I've never experienced before. Of course, I got it when I wasn't at home.
I'm crying, sobbing, shivering, and pleading! Morten listens calmly while holding me. I tell him everything I'm feeling. That I'm about to faint, vomit, and lose control, all while believing I'm going to die if I lie down. I won't even realize if I stop breathing because I've passed out. And no one can help me because we're not at home! At this moment, I'm fully aware that the USA isn't a third-world country, and I would receive excellent medical care here too. But at that time, I was convinced of the opposite. Desperate for help, I get Morten to research how I can get medical help here while also sending a message to my sister Belinda. She's an incredibly skilled nurse and recently recognized as a Care Champion at her hospital (yes, I'm very proud of her). She calls me, listens, asks, understands, supports, listens some more, talks to Morten, and then assures me that I have a good chance of surviving the illness I've contracted. Hallelujah!! She sends a list of tips and remedies. We all agree that Paracetamol and Valium would be a good start. I take them. While once again crying and sobbing because what if I take these and don't even notice that I'm dying! What then?! So I get Morten to promise that he'll watch over me like a hawk. I take the pills, and about 15 minutes later, I fall asleep in the fetal position on the sofa. Completely empty. Utterly exhausted. Totally finished. Morten sits close by and keeps an eye on me.
Two hours later, life is a bit better. I feel a glimmer of hope that things will be okay. My condition still stinks, but the fear of death and overwhelming panic have vanished. We venture out for a short drive and do some sightseeing from the car. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll feel better tomorrow.
I hope you understand that I'm well aware that a bad cold is not life-threatening, and I know there are excellent doctors and healthcare here. But that's the thing with anxiety. It doesn't care about what you know! It can drag you down into the abyss without a moment's hesitation if it gets the chance! If you so much as lose your footing just a bit, in my case, falling sick, it plummets faster than anyone can hold you back. There's no other solution but to go all the way down. Down there, you gather your strength and push your way back up. If you're lucky (as I am), you have a ladder of people pushing, lifting, carrying, and pulling you back up. And now, I'm accepting everyone's help. Because I need it, and I greatly appreciate it.
It must be noted that I'm extremely bad at being sick even at home. So Morten is no stranger to these situations. Unfortunately.
I hope you have a day without sniffles and that you enjoy it a bit. I'll try to do the same!