I have a new friend!

Translated with Chat GPT

Her name is KokoMiriam, and she's incredibly demanding, but amazingly good at teaching me new things. She is the reason I started this blog. She is my anxiety. I gave her a name because it's easier to fight against someone I know. Plus, my plan all along has been to get to know my anxiety. I realized early on that I wouldn't get rid of her anyway. So, I had to learn to know her instead. Because I don't think you can get rid of anxiety. I still have anxiety. But I'm learning a way that allows me to live with it, or her, rather. So, instead of fearing KokoMiriam, I've now gained a new friend. We still have a lot to learn about each other, but I think I can like her. I just need to become a little more confident and learn why she does what she does. Because anxiety is actually kind of useful sometimes. When it's rational and not behaving like a 14-year-old attention-seeking and stubborn girl. But more like a guide for what is dangerous and safe.

For example, I've learned that KokoMiriam doesn't like to be ignored. If I ignore her, she just screams louder. And that's exhausting. If I acknowledge her presence, she gives in more easily and lets me move on.

She is a night owl. So now that I've become a morning person, we clash a bit there. She loves to start a train of thought around 10:00 PM. Then she launches the brain with all sorts of thoughts and feelings. Against that, I haven't found a good solution yet. Except for pills. But I'll figure it out eventually. I've also found out that we both like to stay active. Either mentally or physically, so that's very nice.

KokoMiriam has become very good at trusting me when I decide to take one day at a time. It has made life much more exciting and incredibly more rewarding. I've become good at taking things in stride. And that, in turn, has made me better at turning negative thoughts. If I make a plan or have expectations and it doesn't go that way, I can turn it around more often now than I did before. I think it's because my brain is better at adapting. Because now it has to. I don't protect it from everything all the time anymore. Quite interesting how it all fits together.

Some of the moments when I learned new things about KokoMiriam and felt emotions

Therefore, I think that even though I had a setback with the medication tapering and had to take a little breather there. I discovered yet another new thing about KokoMiriam. She is actually a good friend. She has my back, for sure. She showed me in several ways that I was stressing to prove to others that I am doing better. Stopping medication was, for me, a way to show people that I've improved so much that I can manage without them. But it's absolutely unnecessary to prove that, especially to others. Also, it was supposed to be about doing things for myself, not for others. So, I got a really good reminder of that from my new friend.

Could it be that I am actually better without having tangible proof of it?Could it be that life is going to be a bed of roses? Have I managed to turn my greatest enemy into my best friend? Just by accepting and embracing her for who she is. I am aware that KokoMiriam is me, after all. I know very well that I have always had control over my life. But by taking it a bit away from me, I have managed to see my challenges from different angles. I have gained some distance from it, as the expression (at least in Norwegian) goes. And there's actually something to it. You see the solution a bit clearer when you're not standing right in the middle of the labyrinth.

Under the beautiful picture are a few more expressions that I chuckled at on my train journey earlier this week. Borrowed from various places on the internet.

I'm a bit unsure if these are the kinds of things they refer to in the quote below.

But this is what happens to my hair with on and off with a beanie, neck tube, and hood. Static from wool and dry from the cold. But I like it anyway.

-The best things in life mess up your hair.-

-Don't postpone until tomorrow what you can do next week.-

-I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not sure.-

-The most confusing message one can receive is to behave like people.-

-We Norwegians are rarely spontaneous until we've had time to think about it.-

And finally, a bit more seriously:

-You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.-