Changes

Translated with Chat GPT

There are some changes happening for me now. I quit my job at school this week! It was the strangest thing I have done so far on this journey. I didn't think I would do it. It's my security outside of home! I love my job and I love the wonderful colleagues I have there. I didn't think I would end up managing to take a step away from them. They have been there for me through everything I have experienced in the last 10 years. They have seen me when I needed it, overlooked me when I needed it, and pushed me when I needed it. They have even let me be me, with all that entails. It's not just smiles and laughter from me all the time, unfortunately 😅 So going from that everyday life to something unknown... it's going to be tough! At the same time, I feel that several of my colleagues have become friends, and so they will probably remain a part of my life even though I don't work with them every day anymore. Love my team even though I will work somewhere else right now.

Some of the lovely team!

Hope I can sneak along on any future trips still 🤞🏼😇

What the other job is, is also exciting. I have started a bit with website building and such. So there will be more of that! It's a lot of fun. But, you know, life happens. So another opportunity came up as well. Fortunately, these can be combined! So I see an opportunity to do both 🤞🏼 What the other job is, I will tell you as soon as it becomes a reality. Exciting times ahead, in other words 🤩

I look back as well. To check how far I've come and if I'm really on the path I intended. Or perhaps life happened, and the route changed? When I was younger, I watched (many times) the Disney movie Pocahontas, and one of my favorite parts was when she paddled on the river and sang "Just around the river bend." It seemed so exciting! She handled everything that came around that bend. And with such great joy and elegance. She even had to choose at one point. The easy way or the slightly more uncertain way. She went for the slightly uncertain one! That's what I'm doing now, actually. Maybe I've finally become Pocahontas? Minus the incredibly nice hair 😅 My point is that I have taken the winding road that will offer rapids, sharp turns, and perhaps a waterfall now and then. But what if I manage it?! What if I paddle through it all with as much joy and elegance as she did? I hope so! And I hope I don't have to do it in a canoe because Morten is very afraid of that 🤪

Sebastian and I tried kayaking a few years ago. Yes, I hummed that song several times. It was indeed on ponds both times. So not many turns or decisions, but we had some nice experiences with nature and wildlife 😃

Another thing I thought about before making this decision is that I have received feedback that I have changed. People who have known me before and meet me again now, or who have followed me through these years, say that I look happier, more secure, stronger, and at ease than I have in many years. And that probably says more about how I actually feel than my own perception of myself does. So in this situation, I have chosen to just listen to the mirror (that's you) and not myself. Because even though my self-confidence is stronger than it has been in a long time, I still don't quite love myself. I have become friends with my anxiety and in that way accepted that it is a part of my life forever. But I still can't fully trust my own abilities. I will get better at that in the future. I know that! Because I am actually very independent and can handle making mistakes. I just need to be reminded of that. So by taking the uncertain path, I am guaranteed opportunities to master things and thus become more confident in myself. Exciting, right!!

I also had a little Aha moment a while ago. I realized that the things I don't think about in others are possibly the same things others don't think about in me. Like how much I weigh, what habits I have around food, what outfit I wore to a party with those people before. I don't remember what they wore, why would they remember what I wore last time? Am I so incredibly important that everyone takes notes and checks them before the next gathering? NOPE! Not at all. So it was a pretty cool discovery to make. Now I test those things before I bury myself in my crazyness. Because that's one of the things I have noticed about myself. I look more outward and less inward. I see more people around me than I see myself. By that, I mean that I don't just focus on what I'm doing and judge it throughout the entire social interaction. I look at the other person and judge them! Just kidding! I look at the other person and try to understand what they're saying or listen to their stories without coming up with my boasting stories to prove that I am fantastic. It's only for myself anyway. So I am very happy to have regained the ability to listen properly and interact with other people in a healthy and good way.

Another thought I've had, which I repeat to myself often. Stop leaning back and saying "I want it! Why don't I get it" And instead, lean yourself forward and say "I want it! What do I have to do to get it?" Suddenly life becomes a bit more fun. At least that's my experience now. If you stand at the crossroads and don't quite know what to do. Consider if you can get a little more joy out of a challenge instead of security? Can the winding road be exactly what you need? If so, lean forward and take it! Because you deserve to have a life filled with what you want 🧡