Confidence, disrespect, and compliments
Translated with Chat GPTThis journey of mine has given me more confidence than I've had in many years. Some may not have noticed because I often appeared self-assured. It was usually a facade, a lot of "fake it till you make it." When I've been with people I trust a lot, I've borrowed their confidence and become even bolder. I learned that from Morten. He heard Karpe sing about it in one of their songs, and it became a way to encourage me to leave the house. To accomplish anything outside my home, I had to fake it and borrow a bit. But now, I'm starting to feel a sense of security in myself. I can make some decisions on my own, and I can assert things for myself. By asserting things for myself, I mean things like asking for a doctor's appointment or calling someone to reschedule an appointment, for example. Phone calls are a pain. You have to think on your feet. It's so much easier if I can think and read through things before sending them out into the world. But that's not how the world works, so I have to learn.
Another thing I've struggled with is the word "no." Saying no to people is painful for me. So I was perfect for telemarketers and those who stand outside the store trying to recruit you into something. I actually have a story about that. Many years ago, a few months after we lost Max Sander, I was tasked with going to the store alone to practice. The family doctor was good at giving me small homework assignments between appointments. So, I faced my anxiety and went out. As I walked in, I managed to sneak past someone selling a subscription to something. I don't remember exactly what it was, but I remember the feeling when I walked out of the store. He saw me, I saw him, and I had nowhere to run. I became nauseous and terribly unwell. I looked down as much as I could, but he spoke to me anyway. I would have given up my car and an arm to get out of that situation. I said no thank you several times, but he was persistent. In the end, I subscribed to something I didn't know what was. I didn't know if I had paid something, owed something, or got something. I was beside myself with anxiety and dark thoughts when I got to the car. I called Morten and cried. He was, to say the least, furious! So when I got home, shaken and crying, he got in the car and went to the store. The poor man probably regrets talking to me to this day. Turns out, I wasn't the only one who had found him unpleasant. Several customers had complained to the stores he stood outside. So he had to cancel everything I had said yes to, pack his things, and was banned from the mall.
The feeling I had after meeting that seller is a feeling I don't want to experience again. I felt he showed me very little respect. It couldn't have been difficult to see that I didn't want any contact with him. He should have respected my body language as much as my verbal language. I deserved as much respect then as I do now. But now I demand it. Now, I've learned to say no thank you and demand that it be respected. No one should make me feel that way again. Because now I have confidence! Now, fortunately, I'm experiencing good things as a result of that. Like the situation I shared on social media last Wednesday. I dropped by the store (once again) and was wearing workout tights since I had just worked out. An older man came up to me and said they were the spunkiest pants he had ever seen. Instead of being embarrassed and shy, I responded by extending my leg and showing it off like a proud kindergarten child and thanked him for saying that.
The leggings I proudly showed off 🤩
These are the experiences we deserve when we venture out into the world. We should be better at giving compliments, but we should truly become better at receiving them! Don't take away someone's joy of giving a compliment that is well received. And don't take away your own joy of receiving a heartfelt compliment! Because I have seen many crush a lovely compliment with a "Oh, this is just an old dress" or "I usually do better." The person giving it must then try to convince you that they mean it. Genuinely! And that's not as enjoyable. So if someone gives you a compliment and you're not sure what to say, I have a brilliant and simple tip. Say "Thank you." It is more than enough! The person who gave it probably did it because they wanted to share the good thought they had when they saw your dress or your achievement. Accept it! It's good for the giver and the receiver. Regards from someone who has practiced giving and receiving compliments for a while.
That was one of the first things I decided to change when I felt that I wanted out of my shell a few years ago. I actually started by giving. Because then I saw how others received it, and I could mimic. That's when I discovered that we Norwegians are terribly bad at accepting it. So I mimicked those who accepted it in a way that made me, as the giver, happy. I've actually received compliments on how well I accept compliments 😅 So feeling that it has come back and become even more natural and less fake is fantastic! Then I've taken another step forward on the journey.
So I hope you think about it next time someone gives you a compliment. You can get away with a simple "Thank you" or proudly wave your tights and smile your biggest smile. Or something in between. You'll figure it out. In any case, it's much more fun to give to someone who takes it well and doesn't reject it. And it never hurts to give one either. At least not if it's about something you genuinely admire in someone. Even strangers might like to receive sincere, spontaneous compliments.
So today's encouragement, from this ever tougher KokoMiriam, is to give and receive compliments. It's a completely free way to make your and others' days a bit brighter in this dark time 🧡 (it’s winter and therefor very little sunlight here in Norway)
❣️🎄🤶🏻
Wishing you a delightful Christmas Eve
and a celebration filled with confidence and compliments
❣️🎄🤶🏻
