Mission accomplished!
Translated with ChatGPTWell kinda 😅 Today, I woke up in a familiar bed for the first time in 53 days. I woke up at Belinda's. In Huntsville. Do you remember when we were here last Christmas and got stuck because of the weather and such? I do. 😅 But it's great to be in a familiar place again. We've traveled far, seen a lot, and experienced much. And that was the plan for this trip. The goal was to become mentally stronger. To handle more on my own. Not always relying on others' confidence but trusting myself. Have I achieved that then?
Johnayla is wondering about that too.
She's one of the people I'm really looking forward to seeing again soon 🤩
I got my answer when we entered the last week before heading to Huntsville. We spent a few days in Page, Arizona. Here, we saw Horseshoe Bend, Lake Powell, and Upper Antelope Canyon. Everything was something I had been looking forward to and planned a lot of it myself.
The latter was something I had been looking forward to even more! So as the time for that approached, I became stressed. Am I ready? Will I experience it, or just go through the motions? Will I be able to do it at all? To explain these thoughts a bit: 1. I hate crowds. 2. I have claustrophobia. 3. I get stressed easily to the point of becoming irritable and just wanting it to be over. So when it began to dawn on me that we were soon going to walk in a group with other groups around us, into a narrow crevice in the rock. Which can occasionally be filled with water on short notice (flash flood). In 30-degree heat. And we also had to be driven 20 minutes on the bumpy back of a pickup truck to get there. I began to doubt myself a lot! Just a few weeks ago, I was crying because I couldn't handle any more people, sounds, smells, and other impressions. Now I was going to voluntarily do this while trying to enjoy it?! Well, we'll see...
But I did it! And I loved it! I wedged myself into that seat, close to a stranger. I felt the need to pee, poop, and throw up all at once. Super stressed because the lady had said we had to pee before we left since there were no toilets out there. But I didn't even have time for it! And I didn't even know if I had to pee. But now I definitely had to. And everything else! I became really unsure if I could do it! The car ride was like riding with a drunk person who had just robbed a bank and was now trying to escape the police on slippery gravel road in the mountains! We went fast, so we bounced around in there. But we made it. I saw the crevice and thought: Into there, huh... It's going to be tight with all of us. There were 12 of us + the guide, and it wasn't just our group there, to put it mildly. But then we went in.
All the fear vanished, all stressful thoughts disappeared, and everything I was sure could go wrong was left far behind, buried under a rug in a room I don't often use. What a place! What a feeling! And what an opportunity to prove to myself exactly what I told myself outside. I can do anything!! This was my big dream to experience! I'd been looking forward to this for over a year! Don't let that opportunity slip away just because there are other people there! So, I took my place! On Wednesday, October 18, 2023, Miriam took her place! In a group! With strangers! People I didn't know at all! AND I did it without Morten going first and making a path! I just simply entered the group of people and said, 'Hey, tour guide, can you help me with a photo like that too?' And did he ever?!! So, it was done. Now I followed that guide like a persistent fly. I listened, smiled, nodded, answered, asked, and was visible! Visible enough that he actually saw me and spoke directly to me. Just me! It was such an incredible feeling of strength and accomplishment! Beyond all expectations. And the expectations were high for this experience. It was number two on our list, but number one in what I was looking forward to the most. In fact, so much that I booked it months in advance, planned the outfit the night before, and told Morten, 'We take lots of pictures of everything all the time, and take many of me because maybe we'll get some nice ones! I'm not so photogenic or graceful, and Morten is not so good at taking pictures. So this was a total hedge from both sides 😅 But because I took my place, there were plenty of great pictures! Some because the guide took pictures for us, and some because I went forward and clearly showed those around us that we should take a picture. It worked like that for everyone, by the way. Everyone waited when someone took a picture, but before, I'd never have dared to physically take a place like that. But I did now! I took a physical place, and I took a verbal place. I was both seen and heard. By strangers!
So yes, I think I've succeeded! I feel like I've grown a lot, and I'm more like the person I was before all those negative thoughts entered my mind.
We capped it off by going out in the evening to a restaurant that had dinner and a show. Red Heritage, which is a Native American Dinner Theater in Page. They served an authentic dish they called a Navajo taco. The table setting was family-style, which meant long tables, and we were seated with four strangers... Not my favorite way to have dinner, but in today's spirit of 'I can do what I want,' I decided to enjoy it. It was very exciting! I learned something new and picked up some words of wisdom. A knowledgeable woman said, 'We are imperfect people, and that's okay, as long as we come back to this corn pollen path ahead of us.' A knowledgeable man said, 'Let go of all your problems. Pick them up one at a time. Then, it will resolve itself and make sense.' Loosely translated by Morten and me, and written from our memory 🙈👵🏼 But I think I captured the essence of it.
I've come much further than I feared that morning in Syracuse! And I'm very pleased that I've persevered and not given up. Now I'm going to enjoy some time with family here before the journey home. And in a week, we'll be back on Norwegian soil!! 🥳 Sebastian will for sure get some hugs then!! 🧡 Seize the day, people! No one knows how many we'll get 🫶🏼
