I need help, and that's okay!
Translated with ChatGPT
Independent, but appreciative of help.
Here I am having a small panic attack right after we arrived at the airport. Morten is, as usual, patient and considerate 🧡
Independent woman here, yes 🙋♀️ who sometimes needs help... Why should I feel it as a defeat? I like to be able to do things by myself. A bit like a stubborn three-year-old. But I'm so glad that I have many people around me who help me when I need it. So why do I feel like I have to ask for permission to ask for help? I often say, "Can I ask you for a favor?" Why don't I just ask? Well, because I feel that I'm burdening them. Because what I'm going to ask for is a burden for them. But if someone asks me for something, I'm really happy! Thank you for letting me do this for you! Thank you for giving me the opportunity to show you that I care about you! That's why I've started working on asking for and accepting help.
Another tool I've allowed myself on this journey is calming medication. I say medication because that's exactly what it is. I'm not really a fan of strong addictive medications. I used to think they were just a little band-aid on a bleeding wound. And to some extent, I still feel that way because I believe you should treat the cause and not just cover up the symptoms. But now I've started looking at them as a compress on the bleeding wound. So you can see what you have to work on. A person in serious pain can't do anything unless the symptoms are kept in check for a while. Or a slightly crazy lady can't travel safely, in a good way, without something to calm down her koko head from time to time. So I've accepted some Valium from my doctor and plan to use them to keep the bleeding in check during the trip. This way, I can focus on the here and now and actually achieve the goal of the trip. To fill my backpack full of good, fun, positive, and exciting experiences outside my home! 🧡
So now I'm sitting in our hotel room in Boston. I've slept well after a nice flight. The flights are a bit harder than the other things I'm anxious about because I have no control over how they will go. Or so I thought! But when I took a Valium the night before and one during our layover, I managed to stay calm for the most part. I had some small "I can't do this!" moments, but no major panic attacks or breakdowns. In fact, I had several "Wow, this is amazing!" moments. Therefore, this was probably the best flight I've ever had. AND it gave me a sense of positivity. I'm going to make it through this!! In fact, I managed to enjoy a lot of it as well 🤩
I won't start taking Valium all the time, because that's not how I envision getting through this. However, I've gained a new understanding of this type of medication. Isn't it fun that we can keep learning new things all the time?!
I'll soon head down to breakfast before we explore the area a bit. Tomorrow, we're off to Minneapolis. Hope you're having an awesome day 🤩
By the way, I'm posting more on social media now than before. So, if you want to experience moments with us, you can find KokoMiriam on both Instagram and Facebook. Just click on the Facebook or Instagram icons at the top or bottom of this post.