RAW Air Again
Written on Friday
Last year, I managed the whole weekend in a good way. I took some breaks and stopped when I had nothing more to give. I read the post again and regained the feeling of accomplishment over managing to go and stay there, and repeat it several times. This year, the goal is to go, stay, and ENJOY MYSELF! Unlike last year, I have now learned to be in the moment! So now I'm going to test if I can do that with things I haven't managed before.
I actually thought about this a little. Why does that lump come back every time it approaches? I've done it before! And exposing myself to such things again and again should make it easier for me each time, right!? It hasn't happened yet. Because the lump in my stomach is just as big before this jumping weekend. Why? My theory is that these are things I've struggled with before and therefore have become something uncomfortable I force myself through. New challenges I have no previous experiences to rely on, so they become what they become. Currently, they are often positive. Because I'm accomplishing a lot of new things now. I stood in front of a camera and spoke. And watch it afterwards without judging myself!! (Too much 😅) I talk to salespeople with the greatest confidence and assurance. But going back to the crowded hall during RAW Air makes me uncomfortable!
The only thing I can think of is that it's all the previous experiences simmering. I generally have challenges around large crowds. Cinema, concert, public celebrations, and festivals are things I haven't figured out how to handle yet. Therefore, I have decided that it's perfectly okay for now. I don't need to enjoy that kind of thing! Not everyone likes it, and that's just how it is. I have come a long way! I have learned a lot! I have learned that I should never say never and that I should always try! So I'm trying this again. Like with the tanningbed I couldn't lie in for 8 minutes, but I went back later and managed 4 minutes. Last year, I managed to be there for a long time and was okay enough. This year, I adjust my expectations based on experience and set a goal to be there a little every day, but be present all the time! I will be in the moment and let the impressions make an impression. Not just wash over me and drip away. So let's see how it goes!
Written on Sunday morning
I AM AMAZING!!
I managed 4 hours on Friday. Only made it to the party, but it was very fun. I heard the music, stood in lines, had physical contact with strangers bumping into me, and smelled all the people walking around inside the hall. It was exhausting and interesting at the same time. I reminded myself that drunk people are unpredictable, but mostly kind. I stayed away from the biggest clusters, and it helped a lot.
Saturday, I just went up for a little while. The weather was bad and there was no jumping. So instead, I went to a friend's house and socialized there. She had gathered a small group, and I got the opportunity to be social in quieter surroundings. Absolutely perfect!
Sunday, I am going back up again in the morning with Morten. We will stay for a little while, see the girls soared again 🤩 and talk to people. Calm, pleasant, and sunshine. Then Morten heads back to the mountain and I enjoy some housecleaning.
This was a successful weekend for me! I lowered my expectations for myself to a level I had to work a little to reach, but still assumed that I would succeed. I didn't set the bar too high because it only increases the chances of failure. I set it where I have to push myself a little. I was supposed to go out every day. I was supposed to be social, and I was supposed to feel the impressions. These are things I know I can do, but often make me tired. So the goal was to do this fully and completely, but in shorter periods. I was supposed to be in it for a couple of hours every day. Minimum! Because I also set an upper limit. I have actually gotten to know myself now. I get excited quickly and forget that I have to consider the Miriam who wakes up the next day 🤪 She's not so happy that yesterday's Miriam was in chaos for 6 hours. So the upper limit was 4 hours of socializing per day. It might sound strange, but it's important for me. I have seen that I have a limit and am practicing to adapting to it. The hope is that it will help me, in the long run, not to have to restrict anything at all. Just pack my backpack, go, and have fun!
This is me! Just in the moment. Happy. Surrounded by people. Gazing into the distanse…
What I'm trying to say, in a very long and convoluted way, is that if you want to succeed at anything, you have to set realistic goals. To know what they are, you have to try and fail. It's a process that you learn and develop through. Sometimes I forget it and get stressed about not being where I want to be. I forget to enjoy the journey to the top of the mountain. I just walk fast and look ahead. So now I'm practicing dividing the journey into stages. Look around me and take in everything I experience along the way. And I like it!
I hope you manage to slow down a bit and check the state of things from time to time. Smell the flowers, look at the surroundings, enjoy the breaks, and rejoice in every mastered stage! Because YOU ARE amazing too! 🧡
I posted pictures from Sunday on Instagram and Facebook.