Meet Magnus!
Translated with Chat GPTHere is Magnus's very first post. We've started his thoughts with some questions. His answers are carefully considered and spontaneous at the same time. He's considering using pictures of himself, but he's not quite ready yet. So we just have to cheer him on and be happy for him for setting boundaries! So without further ado from me, here comes the post!!
When did you realize you had anxiety?
When I was going on a school trip with the class in 7th grade. Then it became a real mission. I was really nervous beforehand. Nervous to sleep away from my parents, something I hadn't done much because I was too scared.
I was unsure before, but I wasn't aware that it was anxiety. Something I found difficult to understand because I didn't know why I was scared. I felt different and didn't understand why everyone else was excited except for me.
Mom pushed me to sleep away and encouraged me to endure it, and that was probably because she didn't quite understand why I was so scared, or that she didn't know what it was like for me, which was maybe a good thing. Dad, on the other hand, shielded me more and didn't demand as much, mainly because he also struggled with this in his young age, and then he understands how I felt. But it's very good to have someone who really understands and someone who pushes you. It has made me realize that I can do it, but with a little support.
What made you realize it was anxiety?
I've always felt a bit different, but I also didn't think much about it. It's always been in the back of my mind. It took a very long time before I actually realized that I had anxiety. And I hadn't quite realized that I had anxiety because I was so used to it.
But I began to understand it when I was with a psychologist in 8th grade. Then it hit me that there was actually something wrong with me, but something I wanted to fix. I wanted to be able to sleep away and be home alone. I wanted to go on cabin trips without being nervous and overthinking, but I never understood why I was so scared of it.
This is something I've been anxious about since 2nd grade and to this day. It sounds strange, but anxiety does everything. Over these years, I've created so-called "safety nets" for myself. If something were to go wrong or if I were to have a panic attack. So now I use stores as a safety net because if something happens to me, I run there. Isn't that strange? What are stores going to help me with?
One of the locale stores I use as a "safety net"
But the thing is, I understand the difference between what's illogical and logical, but it doesn't help. That's what messes up my head. But it's also a good thing because then I can calm down with the logical side of my brain, if possible. Because the thing is, I understand what I'm afraid of and that it's not a big deal at all, and I don't feel like many people do. But when I start to think, the anxiety takes up more space than the logical side, and then I start to worry.
Do you remember what you thought when you realized you had anxiety? Were you worried about what life would be like with these feelings?
It's always been like that for me, but I've always felt a bit different from the others, as I said, but I didn't feel any extra after I found out that I actually had anxiety. Because it was a daily issue since elementary school.
I was sad and frustrated because all my friends could sleep over at their friends' houses and be home alone, but I just couldn't. I never understood why I couldn't do it when everyone else could. But as I got more practice with this, I actually learned that it actually went well. Which makes me cope very well in the present. Cracking that code has taken many years to learn, both to understand the situation and actually do what you're afraid of. But I'm still not done learning.
The key for me is that I've been open about everything since I found out. I could tell the others at school that I was going to a psychologist, which I felt was nothing to hide. It wasn't like I made up something like going to the dentist, I just said it outright. Being open about it helps both you and those around you. Without a doubt.
So now you've been with me a bit inside my crazy brain. It's been good for me to get this down on paper. I hope you appreciate my sharing as much as I appreciate sharing this. I look forward to sharing more with you because this is just the beginning.