I've become visible!

Translated with Chat GPT

It's really weird to say, but I've become more visible. Before, I was invisible. Before, I was someone who blended into the background. Someone who hunched over and made myself as small as possible. Someone who had poor posture (it could still be better though 😅) to hide broad shoulders and boobs. Someone who rarely spoke up (except with friends, then I talk non-stop) or talked to strangers. Someone who entered a room or a store without making eye contact with anyone.

Now I'm someone who stands out with colorful workout tights, better posture, and equally broad shoulders and boobs. I've actually made an effort to build muscles in my shoulders. I have them regardless. I can't make them smaller no matter how hard I try. So I figured I might as well make them toned. Maybe they'll feel more right on me that way. And it's worked! I've also made an effort to talk to strangers. So now I've spent many days in the restaurant talking to acquaintances and strangers alike. I've made new acquaintances by doing so. I've become more visible!

When I was at work at school, I had confidence. I was good at my job and felt safe there. At home or with friends and family, I was also more confident and secure. But now I've found a confidence in myself that allows me to take it with me elsewhere too. Like in the restaurant or at the local Kiwi store. I even talk to the cashiers now. Something I hated doing in the US.

I get compliments! Several of them. Often from older people who like my colorful workout tights or colorful beanies. One lady thought my bieanie was really cool and said that orange was a nice color that suited me well. I actually stood and talked to her about how lovely the color orange is for several minutes. I'd never done that before!! People say I look happy. That I'm glowing somehow. Some have even said I look taller! Probably because I'm standing up straighter.

Much of this is probably because I've also taken a step out into the world. I was comfortable in Morten's shadow. Everything we've done, he's fronted outwardly. I've worked behind the scenes and enjoyed it. But lately, I've taken a step forward into the spotlight, next to him. This thing with the restaurant has probably pushed me to figure out more about what I've been missing and given me a little reminder of what I'm fighting for. Because what I'm feeling now is joy at being able to be social. I'm actually a very social person. All the jobs I've had have been in the service industry. I've always enjoyed being around people, and I love to talk! So what I'm doing now has probably helped me find my way back to that.

At the same time, I feel that I'm different now than before. I'm more cautious about who I let in completely. I'm more careful to give myself time to be tired. I'm kinder to myself! I simply prioritize myself a little more. Things and people that only take and don't give are put on hold. Diet has become a more conscious thing and exercise is fun, not a chore. Miriam 2.0 is almost ready. I've found that I function best when I have freedom, but security. I don't need routines that lock in every day, but I need security. Everything I've done before has made me feel secure, but also limited my development. Now that I have security in Morten, work, finances, and myself, I can finally enjoy freedom. Sebastian is grown, so I don't need to be a full-time mom anymore. Even though I still interfere more than average and care about most things 😇 That's why I can actually enjoy freedom. I've found a way to make money while retaining the freedom to do what I want otherwise too. I can go on trips. I can help friends and family. I can have meals with Sebastian as often as he has time. I can exercise as often as I want. Yes, I still have to adjust my days a bit to fit everything in, but so far, I actually manage.

So when people say I look happy, that I'm glowing, or that I'm tough, it's absolutely true! I am all those things! I love myself. I'm proud of myself. I'm confident in myself. I'm visible! Life is really wonderful, and I enjoy every moment! I fill my backpack with memories and grow stronger for each thing I carry with me. Now I feel much more confident that any downturn will go much better than any of the previous ones. Because now I'm prepared. I have a safety rope. I have many people securing the rope. Plus, I've filled in the hole a bit, so it's not as deep anymore. So life, I'm ready for you!!

I hope you feel seen sometimes today too. If not, you can make changes to become it. Like a mental health reflector vest 🦺