I did not break!

I can be bent, but I, fortunately, don’t break easily.

I read a quote today, We do not break, but sometimes we bend so far that coming back up takes a while. That hit me! Because this round of downs and depression has pushed me farther down than I have ever been. And to get back up I had to use all the patience I had! I even had to borrow some from Morten for a while!

I guess the good thing about doing it this way is that I learn even more on the way. Because I actually have time to work on the problem and potentially fix it. I’m not just putting on a band-aid and hoping it’s enough. So, I have spent much more time getting up now because I have stopped and looked on the way. Asked questions like, How did I really react to this situation? What had been a more useful way to do it? etc, while I was in the situation. I learned a lot and it was very exhausting.

One of the most important things I learned is that I am my own worst critic and that all my demands of myself are WAAAY too much! I have completely forgotten that I am a common mortal. Because when I am up, I feel that I am Superwoman. Because I am! In a way. The thing I forget is that Superwoman has a superpower. But from now on my superpower will be that I will listen to body and soul. When my body is heavy, I will see that as a sign that I have worked well and long and need rest. Sore muscles are a sign that I have shown a good posture towards the surroundings long enough and now they need care. A fuzzy head shows me that I have used my brain a lot and that it is smart to have a period without big projects.

Something else I have learned is that I can be very proud of what I do. Regardless of how little it might seem to the big world. I now know that it is good enough to do what I feel is enough. Not to let what I think others expect of me control how satisfied I am with my efforts. For instance, I felt it was weak to go home after the ski jumping on Saturday. But I had been up there ALL DAY! That is longer than most others I know. But I felt that, since I had told someone I would be at the party afterward, I had to. But I didn’t have to! Because I was empty. Completely used up. This experience taught me a lot. I was satisfied but thought I had to. Fortunately, I understood this quite fast and was able to be happy with my effort that day.

The third thing I learned was that I can ask for things! Jupp! Almost 40, but now I have understood it! I can speak up if I need something. Or I can ask for something. At work, I mentioned some things that could make it easier for me to get back to work. They did it right away! I learned that there is strength in asking for help or accepting help. Honesty really goes the farthest. It also makes things a lot easier. I receive much more understanding and support now than before. It makes my days easier. Awesome!

So I have used most of this period on sick leave to learn new ways to manage my downs and to build myself up to a stronger person than I was before I tripped into this hole. And most of all to adjust my superpower.

I did bend, but I didn’t break! I spent time getting back up but utilized that time to get up in a way that makes me stand steadier now than before. So, after Easter, I am back to work again, and that will be fantastic!

Enjoy life people! Every second is precious, just like you are!

Translated by Kari Boisvert